Generally Speaking

The lease renewal was signed and funded yesterday. Yeah, I'm staying in this apartment for another year; I'm not moving to Woodside. The powers that be have a funny sense of humor, and that's about all I have to say on that topic. I'm annoyed but not angry. (Not once in the last 48 hours have I used my "Cartman" voice concerning the apartment).

Hard day at the 'office' yesterday for me. One of my co-workers gave her two week notice on Tuesday. She's moving on, and I wish her all the best in her new production endeavors. She's a gem and will be missed. In other work news, it was a LONG day yesterday. We are seriously short staffed in my department right now. Our one reliable swing got a full time gig on another show, and is no longer available for us. Our other swing is working TV now, and is also not really available for us. Which basically leaves us full-time people without anyone to cover our asses, which leaves us a feeling of "we have to come to work." I could digress and state that only having 2 people to cover the 5 of us is retarded to begin with. I could digress and recount the number of times I've been told "We don't have anyone to cover you; you have to come in." I could even begin the ranting and tearing of the hair because I take it as a personal affront, and I could also point out that it is not MY problem. I could give two shits about what happens in that building when I am not there. I could also point out that if certain people had stuck to their guns and maintained a firm stand at the onset of this project, just MAYBE we all wouldn't be overworked, frantic, irritated, exhausted, and perhaps we would have more than one person at a time who is willing to come in and do the mega corporate machine that is our show. The simple fact of the matter is this: We all work under the same contract. Meaning I get paid the same amount per show as just about everyone else on Broadway. Take that full circle and you begin to see that there are many easier shows to work on, and make the same amount of money. This is also the time of year where the only people in our union who aren't working are the ones no one wants to work with, so the pool of swings is not only small, but the dredges of people who wear tin foil hats and can't put down their cocktail long enough to get through a 3 hour musical.

I've let myself become complacent and as a result: shallow and bitter. There, I said it. Ok, I've always been a bit shallow, and as a certain friend like to remind me, "Being a crabby bitch is part of your charm." I've also become very disillusioned with this business in general. (and that, my friends is not only an understatement, but a whole novel in and of itself).

I actually had the epiphany this week. What in the hell have I allowed myself to become? What happened to the happy-go-lucky person I used to be. Yeah, it is as if I have lost myself. I've (over)worked myself my whole life to get here; and I no longer want any of it. Oh yah, I sure sign I need to move on. Will I find myself again? One of the most irritating things for me is the walk home at night. I dwell on the fact that I have no life outside of the theatre, and while that was ok in my younger days, it sticks in my craw some nights.

I'm a bright enough individual to know that the only person who can change these things is ME. I thought I was old enough to know myself as a person, but now I find myself not knowing who I am or what I want. Of course being ill doesn't help with said situation. I only become quicker to anger, less patient, and Extremely more bullheaded when I don't feel well. I also tend to internalize my anger. It's been an extreme exercise of will to not alienate everyone around me this week.


Yesterday was not without its highlights. I had great French food with D. yesterday between shows. I finally ordered something other than the veal. The Mushroom Ravioli was absolutely delicious, as was the strawberry crepe and conversation. D., you are a lifeboat in my turbulent seas.

I got home last night and decided to treat myself to a little prime rib. I just received a collection of treasures from Omaha Steaks. So I fired up the broiler, and simply prepared a single serving. Have Mercy was that delicious. I savored every delectable bite, and since I wasn't in public, I licked the plate when I was done too. It was that scrumptious.

I've got a full plate of things to do today. I have to get over to the credit union and straighten out a double posting ATM mistake (in my favor), I'm still on the hunt for the main decoration for a craft project D. and I are working on for an overseas friends familiar, and there is a union meeting this afternoon at 3 to ratify our next 4 year contract. My show notes have to be updated before next week. Then of course, I'm due at the Machine for the show this evening.

I must be feeling at bit better today. I'm well enough to rant, but if I get Half of this list accomplished today I'll be satisfied. Somewhere in there I'm going to need to take a nap. While we are still awaiting test results, they are pretty sure that I have mono. Rest, Relax, Reduce Stress, OHM.

Love and Light